And I Doubt
by Micki Patricia
Summary: How many times have you said that you love me? Even I don't know anymore...I lost count long ago.' Oneshot, SaitoxLouise. Read and Review, please!


"I love you, Louise."

How many times have I heard those words from you, Saito? Even I don't know anymore; I lost count long ago. And with each utterance, it gets harder and harder for me to believe.

You say that you love me no matter what. We've kissed, of course...but was your affection totally real? It is obvious that you feel _something _for me, but I'm beginning to wonder how deep your love really is. We have had our share of special moments, where I felt like you were mine and mine alone. Though you've told me you are, is it the full truth?

It seems that every time I turn around, you are back to your perverse habits. Feeling other girls' breasts, staring at them in certain ways...wanting to spend time with them. I have nothing against you having them as friends, Saito, but when you treat them like you do, I can't help but feel jealous. And how do I show you my jealousy? My wand glows, and I nearly blow your head off.

I just wish you would get it, Saito! You say that you love me, but you are always with other girls. The way you flirt with them, it reminds me of how you sometimes treat me. That, dare I say, doesn't seem like love to me. If you love someone, you're supposed to save your affection for that person, right? Instead, you go off and share it with any girl that has big breasts.

It hurts to see so many girls in love with you. From Tabitha to Siesta, they share some kind of longing to be with you. If you truly love me, why don't you just tell them off? Surely it isn't _that _hard for you to pull them aside and set them straight. In fact, it would be downright easy. That is, if you love me as much as you say you do.

I really hate feeling this way, you know. My heart aches, thinking of you like this. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I have to constantly remind myself how much you've given up for me. That you love me for me, and not because you're my familiar. You've given your life to save mine...what more proof do I need that you care for me?

And yet, I still doubt. I doubt because our life seems to repeat itself. You are caught with another woman, I punish you because of my jealousy, and then you tell me again that you love me. It seems like a neverending circle. If I could have one wish, it would be that the perfect sphere would break, and I would have you all to myself for eternity.

I suppose that my wish will never come true, though. As long as you are in this world, you will have someone besides me chasing you. Though I hate when that happens, I cannot blame those girls. You are strong, caring, brave, and kind. That is partially why I fell in love with you...you treated me as if I was worth more, when I was still Louise the Zero. Sure, we fought, and still fight, but you always came back.

These are the things I have to remember as life goes on. That, no matter how many times the cycle continues, you always remember your love for me. Though you share moments with other girls, we have had moments that are stronger than anything anyone else has shared with you. I have to push the doubts aside, push away the jealousy, and remember.

I have to remember that I would die without you by my side. If you weren't here, I would probably go insane. Yes, that is how I truly feel...and that is why it hurts when I doubt you. And, I will keep these thoughts inside me, forever. Even when I wonder if you truly love me, you always have ways of reassuring me. That is why I will refrain from telling you my doubts.

Because, deep down inside, I know that your heart is mine and mine alone.

I love you too, Saito...more than you will ever know.

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**Important: I DO NOT own The Familiar of Zero, or any of it's characters.**

A very short one shot from Louise's point of view.  
Just something I thought she might think...  
With Saito's many encounters with other women, and all. xP

This is my first Familiar of Zero fanfic, so don't shoot me.  
I'm sorry if Louise seems out of character. D;

Any reviews are appreciated and loved!  
If you have any comments or crits, feel free to PM me with them.

peace&love&anime,  
Jezzy Williams


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